LAST WEEK'S BREAKTHROUGHS

In last week’s newsletter, I asked you to pick one thing you’re willing to feel bad about, and decide how this pain will help you grow.

Our first reader is finding courage in their pain:

“I've been separated from my wife for years, but only recently initiated the legal process of divorce. This has triggered strong disapproval and upset from some people who are very important to me.

I hate conflict. It makes me want to hide and curl up into a ball. I have done almost everything possible to please these people, at a great cost to my well-being. I now know that my attempts to please people around me was a major cause for the repeated bouts of clinical depression—with spells of suicidal ideation—I suffered over decades.

I feel awful about upsetting these people. I feel shame. I just feel plain bad!

But I know intellectually that if I'm to become more resilient and not become clinically depressed again, I need to fight for my legitimate needs in the face of scorning disapproval. Conflict can no longer be avoided. In the midst of feeling this excruciating shame, I want to find the strength to validate myself, and not seek validation from others.

Thank you for this prompt. My intention is that the small step of courage I've taken to reply to you, will only be one of many other steps of courage to come.”

Christine is refusing to let physical pain rob her of choice:

“This is timely. I recently had a major surgery (knee), and while I had one over 20 years ago for the same issue, I wasn’t prepared, and forgot how hard it was on me physically, mentally and emotionally. I’m not a patient person, and this has pushed me for sure.

I’ve had to relearn all of that again. It’s helped me rebuild my perseverance, endurance, mental grit and PMA. I’m almost 30 days in now, and while I considered myself tough, it was seriously kicking my ass. The older we get, some things we’re better at, and some just push us to our limits.

I’ve had to remember that it’s all about choice. We choose to fight for our betterment, or we choose to fester in our defeats. Having a positive and fighting spirit to get to the other side and push through the pain, inconvenience and limitations is a choice. It’s temporary if you choose it to be. The choice is ours, and I know that once I’m on the other side of this, I will be a stronger human as a result.”

Finally, Liam leaned in to his pain, so the healing could begin:

“I finally, after many years, told my partner about the true magnitude of my addiction. In that moment, something inside of her broke.

My normal coping mechanisms would have been to talk things down, to quick fix, hug, apologize, ‘It will never happen again.’ But this time, there was no going back. I had to endure and let the emotions, which I usually brush away, do their thing. And it was a mixture of soul-crushing sadness, fear, agony and anger for both of us. For me, this was the most stressful moment of my life.

Something has changed since then. This moment of truthfulness, after years and years of lying and pretending, gave me the strength to sign a contract with my inner self to finally begin the steps needed for healing. I usually had a voice in my head saying: ‘It's not that bad, just one more time.’ This voice is gone (for now), for the first time in my life. And I am here, writing about it.”

Liam’s breakthrough above was in response to my prompt on Day 1 of the Resilience, Solved Course taking place this month inside our community. If, like Liam, you want the structure of daily action prompts and the support of our thousands-strong community to work on key aspects of your life that might be holding you back, you can learn more or join The Solved Membership here.

So far, we’ve tackled Values, Procrastination, Emotions, Happiness, and Shame. Join us in October for Resilience, or start with the topic that resonates most—the choice is yours. See you inside?

As always, send your breakthroughs by simply replying to this email. Let me know if you’d prefer to remain anonymous.

Until next week,

Mark Manson

#1 New York Times Bestselling Author
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