| Dear Carolyn: I am recently divorced, with two adult sons, 19 and 23. One son is autistic and nonverbal. I have one local brother and sister. Both are single. My brother’s home is a mess, and my sister is not far behind, plus she doesn’t cook. Neither has enough seating or dishes. I now live in a small apartment, but I can make it work. I have always hosted holidays and special occasions. I enjoy the prep. But I get very little help. My brother sits in the recliner and reads the newspaper. My sister chats with one son and watches football. I clean up, make “to go” bags and keep an eye on the son with autism. He needs supervision. His brother will occasionally jump in and help him. Last year, I had a knee replacement, so my sister and I agreed to go to a restaurant for Thanksgiving. Well, it was loud, my son wandered off to find a quiet place, and the service was not ideal. I ended up paying for the whole meal because we had not decided ahead of time how to split the bill. I have asked my sister for help several times, but she seems to forget from occasion to occasion. Or she asks a million questions about what needs to be done. Even just pizza and cupcakes is complicated with her. Where are the utensils, matches, napkins, toothpicks — yes, toothpicks for the cupcakes. Or give me a sec, I’ll help at halftime. I’ve even organized my own birthday dinner. Family is very important to me. My mom and aunt had special holiday traditions. How can I lower my expectations? Do I stop hosting and sit home alone? — Hostess | 
