In this moment of goodwill to all men (and ladies too, of course), you need to stay alert because, believe me, all sorts of mean shit is going down all around you. But fear not, because we’re here to keep you safe with our guide to spotting Christmas cheapskates, lazy gifters and passive-aggressive sleights.

They say: “This year we’re not giving gifts, instead we are donating the money that we would have spent to a donkey sanctuary.”
It means: they think all of their family are a bunch of asses, so they might as well just give the cash to the real deal.

They give you: a scented candle.
It means: they think that you’re super boring but probably have quite a nice house.

They give you: a panettone.
It means: they think that you’re super boring but at least you have a healthy appetite.

They sent you: a Christmas card that features their family wearing jolly jumpers and sporting beaming grins.
It means: they’re Americans. Or members of a European royal family. Or, they’re surely getting a divorce next year.

They say: this is the final Christmas card you’ll get from us.
It means: “We’re Danish.”*

They sent you: a digital Christmas card.
It means: “You’re dead to us.” Or also, from next year, “We’re Danish”.

They gave you: a Monocle subscription.
It means: you’re the cool cat in the family. And you can even read. 

Your partner gave you: the first nice gift ever – and you’ve been together 20 years!
It means: he’s having an affair.

Your partner gave you: tea towels, a set of saucepans or a kettle.
It means: you should be having an affair.

All your business contacts sent you: boxes of chocolates.
It means: congratulations, you now live in Switzerland.

You received: a figurine of a man shitting with gusto.
It means: you have made an enemy this year. Or, congratulations you live in Barcelona.**

Your partner gave you: clothes that are at least one size too small.
It means: you’ll be Googling “weight-loss jabs” later today.

Your partner gave you: secateurs.
It means: can you do more around the garden?

Your partner gave you: saucy underwear.
It means: extra stuffing all round.

Belated Christmas card: arrives on December 24.
It means: they received yours several days ago and felt obliged to respond. Or, they have just about written you off.

Your partner promised to: take you to a Monocle conference in 2026.
It means: this one’s a keeper.

* It’s not that we’re implying that Danes are particularly cheap, rather that the country’s national postal service, PostNord, has announced that it will stop all letter deliveries at the end of this year because of falling demand – a collapse of 90 per cent since 2000. 

** Catalans add the figure of a shitting man to nativity scenes. Known as El Caganer, he’s been popping up – and pooping out – for more than 200 years. His origins remain sketchy but, boy, is he loved.

To read more columns by Andrew Tuck, click here.

In Monocle’s Alpino newspaper, we found the best pieces to help you ski in style this season. Here, we list 20 items that will keep you warm and chic on the slopes – but for now, here’s three stocking-filler sized options: 

1.
Socks by Merz B Schwanen
The Berlin-based brand knows how to make a fine basic. So step into Christmas in cosy comfort with these recycled-wool socks made in Portugal.

2.
Gloves by Arc’teryx
Whether you’re slaloming down on skis, rigging up some ropes for a rock-climbing expedition or traversing a glacier, the mountains are a hands-on endeavour. These gloves by Arc’teryx are warm, waterproof and oh so flexible. 

3. 
Beanie by Heimat x Clutch Cafe
Keep your head warm and your ears covered with this cream-and-green striped knitted hat.

Born and raised in the Hokkaido city of Utashinai, Tomoya Ishii took up skiing at the age of two and made his first national team in junior high school (writes Ben Davis). Competing in slalom events, he spent half a decade racing in Goldwin apparel, including at the Pyeongchang Winter Olympics in 2018, before retiring in 2022.

Ishii now works in Goldwin’s Tokyo-based marketing department as one of a handful of former Olympians involved in field-testing its growing skiwear collections. They include Oyabe FW25, a new range that pays homage to the small town where the company was founded as a knitwear factory in 1950.

The 25-piece collection goes against the broader sector’s fast-paced production methods, with limited quantities and the use of innovative, natural materials. We have our eye on the 3L jacket, crafted with a wool-fibre material and featuring a helmet-compatible hood, as well as a women’s cropped down jacket, which has a relaxed fit despite high-volume, 900-fill-power goose-down insulation. Here’s our interview with Ishii and below a small taster, in which he tells Monocle about Goldwin’s foray into high-end skiwear and what to look out for when investing in your Alpine wardrobe.

What should we look for when shopping for high-end skiwear?
It should have a lot of attention to detail, even in a garments’ unseen parts. The Oyabe collection offers designs for people who are seeking out something a little different.

To read more from Ishii, click here, and if you’re after more skiing and snow, pick up a copy of Monocle’s ‘Alpino’ newspaper today. 

In our Alpino newspaper, Monocle Radio’s music curator, Fernando Augusto Pacheco, picks the songs that will light up your winter. Spanning old favourites and new hits, these tracks will take you from a gentle evening by the fire to a pumping après-ski dance floor.

1. 
‘Rhythm Is a Dancer’, Alex Christensen, Ivy Quainoo & The Berlin Orchestra 
This remix of the 1990s classic made a splash at Matthieu Blazy’s first Chanel show in October 2025. The epic strings make it a must-play at your New Year’s Eve party.

2. 
‘Fame Is a Gun’, Addison Rae
This synth-driven alt-pop song is a highlight of Addison Rae’s 2025 debut album, Addison, and one that we’ll keep dancing to for years to come.

3. 
‘Disco Life’, Say She She
With its bouncing bassline, this funk-disco single by New York-based trio Say She She will make you feel like you’re at Studio 54 in its heyday.

4. 
‘Tant pis pour elle’, Charlotte Cardin
The Canadian singer’s “Feel Good” was one of last summer’s anthems. Now that it’s winter, we’re listening to this Francophone electro-pop single.

5. 
‘Let Me Love You for Tonight’ (House Club version), Kariya
Late-1980s house music should be a part of everyone’s party playlist and this intoxicating classic will make a steamy addition to yours.

To listen to our full winter playlist on Spotify, click here.

Is there anywhere that scintillates quite like London at Christmas (asks Grace Charlton)? The city has mastered the art of decking its halls, streets and shops – to the point that it’s now pioneering the next stage of late-capitalism Yuletide spirit: the brand “activation” Christmas tree. It’s easy to see how this seemed a good idea in a marketing agency’s catch-up meeting that inevitably took place in July. “Wouldn’t it be so fabulous if [insert client’s name here] took over the Christmas tree at [insert heritage hotel here]? It’s festive! It’s fun.”

Now, we’re all adults and know that Christmas hasn’t been a purely religious festival for a while (and the boost it gives to the economy is, of course, welcome), but the annual ritual of putting up the Christmas tree might be the last pagan act that we do as a society. Let’s keep it that way. Nobody will be found pining for a whiskey brand’s take on the fir. A Christmas tree is, at its best, unchanging – not a spruced-up billboard.