LAST WEEK'S BREAKTHROUGHS

In last week’s newsletter, I reframed progress as invisible until you stop and look back, and asked you to take one small, boring, thankless step toward your transformation.

Majella spent four years chasing a before-and-after that never came:

“My god if ever there was an email directed at me it would be this!

I am 25 years old, and have struggled with my weight my entire life; at my heaviest, I was approximately 300lbs, eating myself into an early grave. I was pre diabetic and always in pain. Every day was difficult.

When you go online and type in weight loss inspiration, you see videos of people who hit rock bottom one day and that was it, they decided to make a change. They show videos of going to the gym and eating salads and then suddenly they are 150lbs down a year later. It’s always the before and after. They never show the during.

For the last 4 years, I have tried and failed to lose weight. Mostly because the scales wouldn't show the results I wanted them to. I would throw myself into tracking calories, eating high protein, working out and pushing myself to my limits. Only to step on the scales and nothing had changed. I would watch those videos, and hate myself for not making the same progress they were making. I wanted more than anything to change my life the way they did.

I wish I could say something dramatically changed, it would make for a better story! The truth is, it has been a long, painful process. Therapy has helped me to start to heal my relationship with food, and signing up to a gym has helped me gain confidence. I am currently sitting at 220lbs. My lowest weight in years. I lose between 1-2.5lbs a week; I don't always notice the difference. But then I take a picture of myself and realise that I look.... normal.

It took years for my body to get to my heaviest weight. It will take years for me to be a healthy weight again.

Progress is boring, slow and even painful at times. It feels like nothing is happening. And then one day I fit into a Medium for the first time in... well ever. And suddenly every time I weighed my food, dragged myself to the gym, refused dessert, tracked my calories... makes it all worth it.”

Aga took the "look back" prompt literally, and found six months of proof:

“This has really resonated today. I'm in a very comfortable, but boring 9-5 job. Out of boredom and a conscious decision to stay in this role for hopefully a few more years (I need a stable, stress-free foundation), I have signed up for a yoga teacher training a few months back.

My 'exciting' part of the project is done. I'm now done with the training, classes, deadlines and am a certified yoga teacher.

The 'boring' part has just started.

I continue practicing every day, even if I don't feel inspired or I feel like I 'don't have time'. I continue learning more, diving into the physical techniques of yoga, the philosophy and the potential business aspects of things. Some of it is boring. Some of it is overwhelming, as the more I learn, the more I see things I don't know, can't do, and have so little experience in.

I took your advice to look back at the previous months. There is indeed comfort in what I have achieved. 6 months ago I would not be able to comfortably participate in a 3hr yoga class. I would not be able to run one. I would not be able to speak to or recommend breathwork techniques to provide comfort to a friend. I did not have an idea for a niche in the wellness and yoga market I fit in. I will continue reminding myself there is sense in what I'm doing and the journey IS the destination.”

David is on day 78 of rebuilding himself after a breakup:

“Your comment on 100 days really hit home. I’m on day 78 since my girl friend broke up with me. We are both widows from long term relationships and had been together for 18 months. When she broke up, I realized that my behavior was the main reason for the breakup.

I sprung into action. Being a retired executive from a Fortune 50 firm, I was used to this type of fire-drill to fix a problem. I quickly cleaned up my eating and exercise habits, reduced my screen time, and got back to reading books.

While this helped, I was not getting to the root of the problem. At about 40 days in, I started to meditate and reconnected with a therapist I had seen in the past.

Since then, I have peeled back the onion and I see that many of my relationship challenges stem from my need to solve any problems on my own. If I can’t solve the problem, I become increasingly frustrated and take that out on my partner. In the past, I would either work harder or give up rationalizing that something was broken.

I sent an apology to her today. I hope to be able to talk to her about my feelings. How I see the problem today is so different from 78 days ago. Being able to look back and see how far I have come, I am glad that I stuck with it. Even if I can’t fix my last relationship, the new skills will be useful in my next relationship.”

As always, send your breakthroughs by simply replying to this email. Let me know if you’d prefer to remain anonymous.

Until next week,

Mark Manson

#1 New York Times Bestselling Author
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