Iza,
Most of us were raised and praised for being nice. Raised and praised, honestly, for being self-abandoning codependents, especially those of us raised as women.
In my twenties, I would have told you I was just being nice.
Not saying the thing to avoid upsetting someone.
Saying yes when I wanted to say no.
Going along to get along.
And the healthier I got, the more I had to swallow a bitter pill: I wasn't being nice. I was avoiding the conversations I needed to have, and I was using niceness as the mask.
Here's the distinction this week's episode draws: shoveling your elderly neighbor's walkway is nice.
Not telling someone the truth about how you feel so they won't get upset is not nice. It's misleading, it's confusing, and it's a bid to control how they feel.
In this episode of The Terri Cole Show, we're getting honest about the difference between being nice, being placating, and being people-pleasing, and why the cult of nice runs so deep for women in particular.
I'll also tell you about a client who spent fifteen years being "nice" in her marriage, and what it cost her. And we'll get into how to talk true and still be a genuinely kind person, because yes, there is a way to do both.
This episode is part of our Best of The Terri Cole Show summer series: the most-requested episodes of the show, returning while we get ready for new episodes this September.
Listen, watch, or read here.
|
