For much of my life, I lived by the gospel of “Just try harder.” A little girl with big ambition, I knew that natural talent was not my superpower. I was not a talented athlete or a gifted artist or, according to I.Q. tests I took in elementary school, particularly precocious. What I did have was grit. An appetite for effort — for showing up early, staying late and giving my all. For a long time, just trying harder worked like a charm. I wanted to make the cheerleading squad but couldn’t follow the moves for the tryout cheer. No problem. Just practice more than any other girl. I wanted a solo in chorus but couldn’t carry a tune. So every morning and every night, I sang my heart out into a tape recorder, then played it back, listening for what I could improve, and tried again. Solo scored. I wanted straight A’s, a successful career as a psychologist and professor and a TED Talk worth watching. Try harder. Try harder. Try harder. For my TED Talk, I delivered a well-rehearsed soliloquy on the power of passion and perseverance. Life is a marathon, I said, not a sprint, and effort can matter more than talent. I wrote my most recent guest essay for Times Opinion because, both personally and as a researcher, I’ve learned that grit alone is not enough: Successful people need support. Just trying harder, without the support of caring mentors and like-minded peers, for instance, can lead to burnout. Trying to beat alcoholism by just saying “no” doesn’t work; attending Alcoholics Anonymous meetings does. And practicing any skill is far more efficient when you have a teacher to provide feedback and instruction. Whatever it is that you’re trying to achieve, you need help. And if, like me, you got pretty far in life by just trying harder, then you need to learn to ask for it.
We hope you’ve enjoyed this newsletter, which is made possible through subscriber support. Subscribe to The New York Times. Games Here are today’s Mini Crossword, Wordle and Spelling Bee. If you’re in the mood to play more, find all our games here. Forward this newsletter to friends to share ideas and perspectives that will help inform their lives. They can sign up here. Do you have feedback? Email us at opiniontoday@nytimes.com. If you have questions about your Times account, delivery problems or other issues, visit our Help Page or contact The Times.
|
