LAST WEEK'S BREAKTHROUGHS
In last week’s newsletter, I asked you to find direction by thinking less about what you want and more about what you're willing to give up.
Tom found his direction and two things to give up:
“I teach all day and then have family kids etc, but every night I am in the shed writing film and TV screenplays and this is the last thing I would give up, so I guess that's the area I need to focus on.
Two things I am looking to give up. I play 11 aside football on a Sunday and have realised that carrying an injury or a knock for a week afterwards isn't bringing me any joy. I scored the winning goal in a cup final last year and perhaps it's time to step away and enjoy other things. I am just conscious that with football once you stop you almost never can get back into it.
Secondly, I am really rethinking my relationship with alcohol. I just stopped casually drinking for two weeks and felt amazing, good sleep, less anxiety and generally felt so good. Went to a party this weekend and really feel terrible. Perhaps it’s time for a major reset.”
Garrison realized what he wants most requires surrendering control:
“The last thing I am willing to give up is control. I tolerate pain surprisingly well when I choose it. Muay Thai, hard training, walking away from a career I spent years building myself around. Difficulty itself doesn't scare me much. But what bothers me is being at the mercy of something I can't control. Relationships are the clearest example. I want connection badly, yet a part of me is wary of letting someone become important enough again that they derail me or leave and rearrange my whole emotional world.
Career wise, I've been moving from a place where schedules, bosses and corporate machinery dictate my entire life. Now I'm working towards a life and career where I am required to put all bets on myself.
‘If you want change, embrace chaos’
I admire chaos and deliberately introduce controlled chaos into my life, but uncontrolled chaos is a whole other beast entirely. The things I want the most in life seem to require handing over control. Love means another person gets the ability to hurt me. A serious career gamble means doing everything correctly and still failing. My instinct for control has real value, it pushes me toward independence, competence, financial security and taking responsibility instead of waiting for life to come rescue me.
The part I need to work on is when control becomes protection from uncertainty and it starts shrinking my world. I need to learn to deliberately surrender what is not in my control. I have to focus on acting without guarantees. I know how to endure chosen hardship, it's becoming comfortable putting something meaningful at risk while knowing I cannot dictate the results.”
Monica decluttered her linen cupboard and found a bigger question:
“It’s small and so insignificant but has made my life 1% better and the impact is huge!
I gave up holding on to things in my linen cupboard that I genuinely don’t need. I had 10 single sized bed sheets that only fit an airbed we have for when people visit and we need extra beds. Not to mention 30+ bath towels, 14 beach towels and 12 old towels we’ve kept in case. It was actually ridiculous and way too much inventory to manage.
I donated half of it to our local church and am now wondering where else in my life am I holding on to something too tight.”
As always, send your breakthroughs by simply replying to this email. Let me know if you’d prefer to remain anonymous.
Until next week,
Mark Manson
#1 New York Times Bestselling Author
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