| Dear Carolyn: When I married my White husband, I thought I could have the best of both worlds. He helped out with cooking and chores in a way I never saw growing up from my Indian dad, but he also participated in Indian festivals and agreed to an Indian wedding ceremony, performing an Indian dance on his own. I’m not proficient in the language myself, but he also tried to learn Hindi with me for a little while. Since we’ve been married, though, it feels as if he was just placating me so I would marry him. He wants me to change my last name (refuses to hyphenate), go to church (which we never did) and raise our children Christian (which I am not). He doesn’t want to give future kids a name that sounds too Indian and has been complaining more about going to Indian festivals. He says I need to let go of my past life and create a new life with him, one based not on my Indian American upbringing but on what I would interpret as White America. This sounds racist to me, but he tells me I’m being racist and trying to colonize him by wanting to keep certain Indian things in my life. As first generation in this country, I am more American than Indian, and that will never change. But I don’t want to let even this small part of my culture die with me and not teach these traditions to my kids. Am I being a bad wife by wanting to keep my identity and not say goodbye to my past life? Am I being selfish in wanting to raise my children with the Indian American culture I grew up with? In my heart, this feels like a problem, and I think I should seriously consider divorce. — Indian American | 
