Suzanne O’Brien has been at the bedside of over 1,000 people in their last moments of life. O’Brien, a registered nurse and death doula, supports those at the end of life by helping them work through their own grief.
O’Brien’s recent book The Good Death aims to normalize the realities of death and the need to plan for the end. The book also shares pearls of wisdom from O’Brien’s patients and many common threads shared by people who are dying—many of whom have “spiritual aha moments” about their lives that can teach us all something, she says.
O’Brien elaborates on three significant regrets her patients have had at the end of life.
1. I didn’t live my purpose.
At the end of life, many people share what they didn’t do but knew they always wanted to, O’Brien says.
“We all are here for a purpose, and we all have gifts, and when we don’t share them and act upon those, that’s where the huge regret comes,” O’Brien says. When we consider our time sacred and limited, we are less afraid to take action on something that may excite us. “If you did one thing every day toward an aligned goal that you want to do, in a month, you’d have 30 things done,” O’Brien says.
2. I didn’t allow myself to love others unconditionally.
Many people at the end of life regret not being vulnerable enough to let themselves be loved and give love. It’s essential to extend ourselves grace, know when to take ownership, and release guilt, she says. “Don’t get to the end of life to find the grace for yourself,” she says, and home in on the lessons a regret brought instead.
3. I didn’t appreciate the now.
People on their deathbed recognize life’s finality and, sometimes for the first time, the small gifts it brings that can often go underappreciated. “It’s not missing the moments that are in every single day, the moments of joy and gratitude…the birds singing outside, going for a walk in the park,” O’Brien says.
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