| Adapted from an online discussion. Hello, Carolyn: My mother and I have always had an intense relationship. She is very critical and controlling, and at every visit, eventually she says some barbed things. I get defensive, we argue, and it spoils the whole visit. As she gets older, I feel guilty that I cannot contain my emotions when she (inevitably) becomes negative and/or has something to say — usually some form of what I need to fix about myself. I wish I had the cool to let it roll off my back, but apparently I’m too emo for that. When she isn’t being critical, she can be quite funny, charming and enjoyable to be around. There is no discussing my issues with her. When I’ve tried in the past, she explains her comments as justified and the argument becomes unproductive, with her just ranting and me not able to get a word in edgewise. I guess I feel bad because my dad also becomes a victim of my distancing. I’m always worried I will regret not trying harder knowing she probably has a personality disorder. Since she was a great mother to me during early childhood, I feel I owe her. Do I change my perspective, or am I right in maintaining boundaries to protect myself? — Too Emo for That | 
