| Adapted from an online discussion. Dear Carolyn: I’m dating a widow who is having a tough time introducing me to their 16-year-old twins, who have repeatedly said they don’t “want to deal” with someone new in their lives. The twins have known about me from the start, they just don’t like the idea of me being at their house, ever. The spouse died a few years before we met, and it’s been over a year since we started dating. We wouldn’t combine households until after those kids are in college, given the disruption and that doing so would require someone’s kids to switch school districts. I do NOT feel an ultimatum is appropriate when I trust this person and believe they want to be with me long term and are clearly really struggling with how to do this. It just feels pushy and kind of mean to force the situation. But the months slip by, and there is always a reason it’s not a good time (usually valid, as one of the twins is really struggling). I have said, and believe, that the longer we wait, the harder it will be. Certain friends keep telling me I am being cheated on, which sounds completely bananas to me. I don’t know why it is hard to believe that someone who lost their spouse would struggle with introducing their resistant children to their new love. — Avoiding an Ultimatum | 
