Oceans of ink have been spilled about the loneliness epidemic, particularly as it relates to men. As Stephen Marche observes in an essay this week, “At this point, writing about the dangers of loneliness feels like writing about the dangers of smoking. Everybody already knows.”
But how does one become un-lonely? Marche has a suggestion: be like his friend Gerry.
Gerry is 85, and if he decides you’re going to be his friend, “you don’t have much choice about it,” Marche writes. “He calls. He invites. He emails. If you don’t answer, if you can’t make it, if you make plans and then cancel, he doesn’t care. He keeps calling.” Gerry’s advice to younger men? “Never lose a friend.”
Too often, Marche argues, men think of friendship as something that happens effortlessly. “Intentional socializing feels faintly embarrassing, even pathetic,” he says. But like anything worth doing, friendship requires work.
Everything humans need to thrive makes them look ridiculous, Marche says. For instance, reports in the 1960s mocked joggers for running around outside.
Men need to work at socialization in the same way they work at physical fitness, Marche says. And if you’re worried about being rejected? “Whatever,” says Gerry. He has lots of other people to call.
Read Marche’s story here.
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