Yesterday we outlined three commonly known threat responses that show up at work. Beyond fight, flight, and freeze are three lesser-known threat responses: please/appease, attach/cry for help, and collapse. These behaviors can look like loyalty, neediness, or disengagement—but they’re often signs that someone doesn’t feel emotionally safe. Here’s how to recognize and respond to each.
Please/appease: Reward honesty, not just helpfulness. When someone always agrees or volunteers, they may be afraid to say no or speak up. Invite respectful dissent. Thank people for raising concerns, balance workloads, and praise truth-telling—not just compliance.
Attach/cry for help: Offer steady, not reactive, support. Constant check-ins or escalations can reflect fear that help won’t come unless it’s urgent. Hold regular one-on-ones, clarify expectations early, and ask, “What have you already tried?” before stepping in to give input.
Collapse: Treat disengagement as a signal, not a flaw. Apathy, presenteeism, or burnout may reflect a collapse response. Check in privately: “You seem quieter—how are you doing?” Adjust workloads, clarify priorities, and normalize rest as a requirement of high performance. |
