Programming note: The newsletter will be off through the holidays, returning on Jan. 5. This year, the deluge of gift guides has felt particularly intense. There’s a lot of pressure to buy, buy, buy. But the value of a present is not in the perfection of the object — how soft the terry cloth robe or how shiny the espresso machine. It’s in how much thought you’ve given to the other person. The truly great gift givers in this world all seem to be in on the same secret: The best gift is one that makes the recipient feel truly seen. The idea for this article came out of a conversation with my mother in the locker room of my gym, where I had taken her to spend several hours, alternating between the sauna and the steam room in celebration of her 70th birthday. I know what you’re thinking: That was a very cheap gift. I had even used a free guest pass to get her in. But my parents have lived in the same apartment for 50 years, and it’s rare to find an object that doesn’t simply increase their clutter. What they really want is something money can’t buy: time. It was, my mother told me after, one of the nicest gifts she’s ever received. When my colleague Shoshana Schultz and I put out a call to readers asking you to share your most memorable (almost) free gifts, we weren’t expecting over 600 responses. It felt like a lot to go through until we started reading. Then we never wanted to stop. When the article published, we had the pleasure of reading the comments, as well. There was the reader whose preteen children wrote 48 messages to her on 48 Keurig pods, so that she could read one each day before work. Another whose favorite vintage suede jacket had a broken zipper, which she would comment upon each time she wore it, until she found it under the Christmas tree with the zipper lovingly repaired. The reader whose high school boyfriend made her a mix CD of himself singing and playing her 17 favorite songs. The reader who told her boyfriend that she still carried around the shame of never having returned two library books as a child, books which were now long since lost. A year later he presented her with a slip from the library showing that the $21 fine had been paid (and 12 years later, he is her husband). When it comes to showing love, it truly is the thought that counts. And often the thought doesn’t have to cost much at all.
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