| Dear Carolyn: I am divorced. My ex-husband physically abused me. There is no way to keep him out of my life completely because we have minor children together and there are court orders saying he has rights to visit, attend school events, etc. I have decided the best thing for my children is to be there for all their events and to be civil toward their father when he’s around. I’m now in my first postdivorce relationship, with a wonderful man. Wonderful to me, wonderful to my kids, wonderful according to all my friends and family who talk about how relieved they are that he’s so unlike my ex. He has never met my ex and tells me he would have a very hard time being civil toward the man who abused me. My kids ask him to attend their games or school performances, and he declines if their dad will be there with vague answers like, “I think it would be best if I sat this one out.” I envision marrying and spending the rest of my life with him. Realistically, there’s no way he will never meet the father of my children, right? So at some point, he’s going to have to find a way to be civil to my ex. How do I help him get to that point? — Anonymous | 
