| Hi, Carolyn: My best friend and I met in middle school and, in different states now, have maintained a close relationship for over 30 years, texting almost daily, vacationing together and visiting up to three times a year. We have been much closer in the past six years. This is a very important and valuable relationship. My friend has always been the more dominant energy, and recently in therapy, I have become aware this mimics the dynamic with my mother. I was raised to believe I was wrong, did not know better, someone else’s needs are more important, etc. It feels like I have allowed my friend to operate the same way with me since we were kids. We have this dynamic where I go to her for support and she tells me how to fix it. The past few years I have started pushing back. When I say I am not looking for advice or help — that my issue is not lack of understanding how to solve the problem, but a need for emotional support or just to be heard — she attacks me for not wanting help. She then blames me for picking a fight I was not even aware we were having. I have tried calmly talking to her about this later when we are not arguing. Her fixes often do not address my issue. When I tell her about a hard day at work, she suggests I find a new job. When I mentioned the high cost of groceries, she picked a big fight about better prices at a specific store I avoid for political reasons. When my landlord raised my rent, she told me to move. It’s very dismissive, delivered as directive, and all it does is put me on the defensive to have to explain why her resolution won’t work, which just stresses me out more. I have tried to explain that unsolicited advice is often self-serving. She claims she is the friend who “tells it like it is” and I want a “pat on the head.” She is standing her ground when I tell her this is not helpful. I take years to change and have been dealing with depression my whole life, so I understand I am taxing her. The past 10 years with my aging mother, and all the baggage with that, have been very difficult. My friend’s life is comparatively uncomplicated, and now I feel like I’m a burden, and I’m struggling to create boundaries with this dynamic. I have tried not going to her for support that I know won’t come, but then one of these fights will just come out of nowhere (for perspective — about one a year). I am feeling tapped out. Do I just walk away from this 30-plus-year friendship? — Changing | 
