LAST WEEK'S BREAKTHROUGHS
In last week’s newsletter, I asked you to stop asking for permission, so you can see that it was never required in the first place.
Our first reader likened my prompt to “divine intervention”:
“Is that what this prompt was, the stars aligning to give me permission to stop feeling I have to prove myself?
I look back and see this pattern in my life… was it for me, was it for the world to see? Did I do all these things because I needed approval and admiration, or perhaps as I’d like to believe, was I just proving things to myself? Either way, I finally decided a few days ago to leave my stressful job in the crazy world of tech sales. And I am not 28 like most people in tech sales, I am almost 68!
Do I have to work financially? No. I was doing it because it was fun, but it’s not fun anymore. But was I also doing it to prove that I could reinvent myself, that I am still relevant? What part of me took pride in saying I’m the oldest person in Silicon Valley in tech sales? Am I that starved for recognition?
It has taken me months to recognize it’s not fun anymore. How many healthy years do I have left? How do I want to spend them? Certainly not sitting in front of my computer on Zoom calls ten hours a day. But why was I feeling so guilty admitting I was burnt out and ready to move on?
Regardless of what has driven me, whether it’s the challenge, the adventure, the recognition, my ego… I am now telling myself that I don’t have to prove myself anymore, and that’s very freeing. I am enough, I have done enough.”
Our next reader traded excuse for fun:
“I have wanted to learn how to play the electric guitar for as long as I can remember, but I always had an excuse: I don't know what kind of guitar I want, not enough time, couldn't afford it, no one near me provides lessons, I'm getting too old to learn, and I probably won't be very good anyway.
One afternoon while doom scrolling, I saw a candy red Stratocaster on Facebook Marketplace for cheap dough that was just screaming my name. One by one the excuses that had always been there melted away except for that last excuse: I probably won't be very good.
So what if I'm not? I've tried and failed at many things. I just watched my 25-year marriage go down the drain and I was worried about possibly failing at this? Really? The internal discussion with myself was quite amusing, and ended with me telling myself ‘You're not the boss of me. I'm going to do it AND be terrible at it, and you're not going to stop me.’
So I went and bought that guitar and started learning to play some easy riffs using online tutorials. It's been a challenge to get my engineer brain to embrace something so fluid and ‘artsy’ but little by little the sour notes become fewer, and the once horrid sound coming from the amplifier now resembles a song.
I may never be ‘good’ at it, and that's perfectly okay because I'm having a lot of fun.”
Finally, this month our community members went through a 7-Day Dating Reset. Here’s Cami giving himself permission to choose honesty over performance:
“Two things come to mind:
Waiting to text back so I wouldn't come off as needy. Acting honestly would simply be responding when I see it and have time, instead of calculating how long to wait to seem appropriately interested but not desperate.
Not doing anything/saying how I felt, waiting for the other person to take the first step to avoid a rejection. Acting honestly would be to take the first step and risk rejection.”
Cami is responding above to our prompt, on Day 6 of the Dating Reset, to separate boundaries from games so you always stay aligned with what’s most important. And it’s not too late to join in. Learn more here.
As always, send your breakthroughs by simply replying to this email. Let me know if you’d prefer to remain anonymous.
Until next week,
Mark Manson
#1 New York Times Bestselling Author
My Website – My Books – My YouTube Channel – My Podcast – My Community
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