| Adapted from an online discussion. Dear Carolyn: I have a friend, “Gary,” who is from my hometown. My wife doesn’t like Gary all that much, mostly because she finds him annoying and clingy. She has no objection to my continuing my own friendship with him, and she can be polite to him in small doses, but is no longer interested in being friends with him, too. My wife and I have gone to several parties and events within the past year at which Gary — who is single — has clung to us the entire time and not given us space to mix and mingle with new people or spend time as a couple. For example, my wife and I recently went on a date night to a free outdoor concert. Before the show, Gary messaged me to ask if I’d be there, and I said yes — with my wife. When we got there, he found us and wouldn’t leave us. My wife got so frustrated that she left the concert. Of course, I followed her out. It was a tough day for our marriage as a romantic evening devolved into a bitter argument. We have a party coming up, and my wife has already asked me to make sure we aren’t stuck with Gary all evening. But I don’t really know how. Isn’t it weird if I’m best buds with him one minute, but then suddenly distant as soon as I’m accompanied by my wife? I’m also getting the sense that he’s starting to catch on that my wife doesn’t like him. She thinks Gary takes advantage of me and hasn’t been as good a friend to me as I’ve been to him. Throughout our marriage, my wife has expressed disappointment in (what she describes as) my inability to stand up for myself and for her. The way she sees it, when things get tough, I tend to choose other people instead of her in order to keep the peace. I’ve had a difficult time setting boundaries with my parents, for example. From my perspective, I feel like I’m constantly trying to preserve relationships and navigate competing interests and end up losing out on my own needs and suppressing my own feelings in the shuffle. I know it would mean a huge amount to my wife for me to actually do a “boundary” with Gary and “choose” her at the upcoming function by taking space from him. But I’m deeply worried that I’d risk losing a friendship I care about. How should I navigate this? — Gary’s Friend | 
