Recently, in a somewhat condescending email responding to a column, a reader told me to ask my dad a question. The question doesn't matter as much as the implication that a 42-year-old woman needed to consult her dad.
As a matter of investigation, I asked Viewpoints editor Graham Brink if a reader has ever directed him back to his father, and he said, "Nope. Never got that one. I’ve seen it on a T-shirt before, but I think it was meant as a parenting joke."
I'd like to ask my dad a lot of things, incidentally, but he is no longer with us. Also, he was a way bigger hater than I've ever been. If I know you in real life, maybe I will tell you what he once commented on a Facebook photo of Mitch McConnell.
Anyway, Mother's Day has just passed, so in honor of women who have dumb things said to them all the time, here's my annual appeal for dudes to indulge in a little more thought before firing off comments, oral, written or otherwise.
If you have said any of the following to a woman who is attempting to make a serious, challenging or pointed statement about a matter of substance, don't say:
- Just be funny. You're funny! I want you to be funny!
- Can't you just go easy on them?
- Don't you have anything nice to say?
- Why so mean???
- Good job. Writing a column is hard, and I know this because I wrote one once in 1984, so I am qualified to evaluate that even though you've done it three times a week for 6 years.
- WHY CAN'T YOU JUST WRITE ABOUT LIGHT THINGS PLEASE BE LIGHT BE SILLY BECAUSE THAT IS HOW YOU SHOULD BE BECAUSE THAT IS MORE PLEASING TO ME PERSONALLY AND THAT IS WHAT YOU ARE HERE FOR TO PLEASE ME AND ONLY ME.
Stuff like that.
If, on the other hand, you encounter some point from a woman with which you disagree, feel free to say that! Simply offer your argument on the issue using facts and reason. Do not call her tootsie, honey, sweetie, dear. Do not comment on her apparent age or, for instance, her teeth or the length of her eyebrows.
You know what? Just pretend the person you are corresponding with has a mustache and is named Ted. Let Ted be the guiding light to your swift and excitable email fingers. What would you say to Ted? Would you tell Ted that he needs to be a little nicer, a little more pleasing, to take it easy on people doing provable misdeeds? Would you tell Ted to consult his dad? Would you address Ted in an avuncular, "atta girl" manner? Run that reply through the Ted Filter and see what happens. It just might surprise you. Thank you for coming to my literal TED Talk.
