This week’s world-famous news haiku competition™ is about how Americans are falling behind on our credit card bills. Send me your entry — to haiku at cheddar dot com — by noon ET Thursday, for consideration by your Cheddar peers.

Matt Davis — Need2Know Chedditor

News You Need2Know

What’s the stock market up to, eh?

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Companies mentioned in today’s newsletter

$OPENAI ( ▼ 2.98% )   $CBS ( ▲ 1.17% )   $BBBY ( ▲ 2.54% )   $TCS ( ▼ 29.75% )   $COST ( ▲ 0.86% )   $AMZN ( ▼ 1.81% )

How AI solved an 80-year math problem

If you are a mathematician, you might want to grab a stiff drink. For 80 years, the brilliant human mind was utterly stumped by Paul Erdős's unit distance problem. But don't worry, an OpenAI $OPENAI ( ▼ 2.98% ) model just swooped in and cracked it for a measly $1,000 in computing costs and 32 hours of its "time.”

Why did the machine succeed where generations of highly caffeinated geniuses have failed? Mainly because humans have lives and easily lose focus. As OpenAI statistician Mark Sellke summarized our flawed human nature, talking to the Wall Street Journal: “It’s the kind of idea that you try for a bit, it doesn’t work, and you think maybe you were just too hopeful. So you give up and move on.” The AI, blissfully devoid of the need to sleep, eat, or watch the Knicks, just stubbornly kept plugging away. It eventually churned out a mind-numbing disproof that ran 75,000 words long — roughly the length of the first Harry Potter book. Which I still, proudly, have not read.

The math world is rightfully terrified. Even Timothy Gowers, a Fields Medal-winning math titan, has conceded defeat, telling the Journal, “It will become very difficult for humans to compete with AI at solving mathematical problems.” Congratulations to the machines! I guess the rest of us will just stick to using our calculators to figure out a 20% restaurant tip and be grateful we don’t need our math skills to earn a living.

Quote of the Day

60 Minutes’ hostile staff meeting with new boss

If you thought your office Mondays were rough, be glad you don't work at 60 Minutes  $CBS ( ▲ 1.17% ) . When Nick Bilton stepped in as the new executive producer, the seasoned journalists naturally rolled out the welcome wagon. Just kidding! They immediately greeted him with open hostility, the Wall Street Journal reports. During his very first meeting, Bilton had barely started his introductory remarks before star correspondent Scott Pelley launched an attack on his qualifications. After all, Bilton has merely written New York Times bestsellers and produced documentaries. How dare he try to run a weekly TV news show!

But Pelley wasn't done. He also set his sights on CBS News Editor in Chief Bari Weiss, who smartly skipped the bloodbath. Pelley dramatically accused Weiss of "murdering" the iconic show, earning applause from the disgruntled crowd. Tensions are clearly boiling over after the network recently parted ways with correspondents Sharyn Alfonsi and Cecilia Vega, who had claimed leadership was injecting "political bias" into segments, including an axed report on an El Salvador prison.

Bilton recently said he's excited to bring "largely an unutilized news brand" into the "modern age." But based on this chaotic welcome, modernizing 60 Minutes might require surviving a medieval jousting tournament first.

Bed, Bath & Beyond's CEO on their comeback

Remember when we all thought Bed Bath & Beyond $BBBY ( ▲ 2.54% ) was dead and buried under a mountain of unused 20% off coupons? Surprise! The retail zombie has risen from the ashes of bankruptcy, and this time, it's teaming up with The Container Store $TCS ( ▼ 29.75% ) to reinvent home shopping.

According to Amy Sullivan, the brand's CEO, they’ve finally realized that massive, cluttered aisles aren't exactly a winning strategy. The new co-branded locations will be "about half the size of what a legacy Bed Bath and Beyond would have been," featuring a much more curated inventory. To bulk up their offerings, they are bringing in home decor from Kirkland's (AKA Costco! $COST ( ▲ 0.86% ) ) and rolling out custom Elfa closets from The Container Store.

Why push all these in-person services? To make themselves "Internet proof." Sullivan notes that unlike Amazon $AMZN ( ▼ 1.81% ) , physical stores can actually offer home measurement and design services, boasting, "You can't have any other sort of direct to consumer brand or website come to your home.”

I think you can, actually, Amy. But sure. You run with that. And don't panic — the legendary blue coupons survived the apocalypse. Sullivan promises they are back in a big way, literally "hanging from the ceiling.” Will this Frankenstein's monster of home goods survive the retail wars? I hope so!

Song of the Day: Nia Smith, ‘High’

Widely praised as a dreamy, emotionally rich alt-soul track that showcases her profound vocal vulnerability and growth, Nia’s “High” is the third single from her highly anticipated sophomore EP, “Payback Is A Dog.”

Markets are still jittery about Iran