LAST WEEK'S BREAKTHROUGHS
In last week’s newsletter, I asked you to have a conversation with someone who pushes you to be better, even when you don’t want to hear it.
A mother confronted her son:
“Last week I finally confronted my son about my confusion over the disrespect and unkind things he says or sends to me. I was looking for something huge or wrong… but it was such a wee thing. I went through weeks of pain, hurt, anger, depression… for nothing.
Now that we are on the same page, I feel he reaches out more to me than I could hope for.
Your suggestion helped. Thank you.”
A son will listen to his mother:
“The one person who pushes me a lot is my mom and sometimes I feel like I’m not doing enough to accomplish what she expects from me. I make up excuses on why things have not been done or move the conversation into topics where I do have completed tasks. I’m going to have a conversation this week with her and really listen to what she has to say on where I’m at in life and what I have been doing. I know she will help me find a way to start small and make changes for a better future.”
Finally, a reader learned who to push themselves for:
“I've worked for the same woman for twelve years.
In those twelve years I've come to understand that while she may be a decent person, she has significant room to grow as a leader and is by far the most difficult aspect of my job. When thinking about who holds me back, and who pushes me forward, I've realized both roles are filled by her.
She has both incredibly low expectations of me and, in other ways, incredibly high expectations. Her need to micro-manage and rearrange processes that are otherwise running smoothly, coupled with constant random tracking of productivity in a remote work environment often makes me feel like she's waiting for me to make a mistake and doesn't trust me to do the job I've done successfully—despite twelve years of glowing performance reviews, peer praise and positive feedback from her. Her inability to communicate her wants clearly often forces me to rework creative projects entirely, just to achieve a favorable response.
She recently assigned me a creative project with no instructions. Before starting, I sought her out for more clarity regarding what she wanted. The feedback I received was an annoyed: ‘Whatever comes out of your brain is what I want.’ After several days of brainstorming, drafting and finalizing an idea I felt was very creative. I presented it to her, only to have it torn apart.
When I asked her why I wasn't given those guidelines when I asked, she had no answer other than, ‘This just isn't what I wanted.’ There was no concern for the time and effort I'd spent and no accountability for her unclear expectations. Frustrated and angry at the lack of conversation and resolution, I turned the task over to AI and quickly generated a very generic idea using the feedback she gave me. I turned the revised project over to her in a fraction of the time and effort, only to find it was exactly what she wanted.
I walked away from that conversation understanding that some people deserve my very best, and others do not—and that I shouldn't care more about an outcome than the primary stakeholder. I feel a little wiser about spotting the difference based on who I'm working with and what I know of them.”
As always, send your breakthroughs by simply replying to this email. Let me know if you’d prefer to remain anonymous.
Until next week,
Mark Manson
#1 New York Times Bestselling Author
My Website – My Books – My YouTube Channel – My Podcast – My App
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